I Lied Today…
And I feel deeply remorseful and ashamed. It was what I considered a little white lie. One that you tell to alleviate a situation. During work, I said that this was the reason, and it was another reason. In my mind, I concluded that this was the best and only way to move forward. I was going to solve this issue that has been bothering my team for the past two weeks. It was so clear to me to say this, and then that would happen, and all is good. But then it backfired, really badly, to the point that it is 9:37 pm and I had to write about it. I had to get it off my chest, find a reason to prove that my thought process for lying was good. But after the corrected coaching from my boss and seeing their point of view, I realized that this could have ended up being a very bad. Not so much for the company, more so for myself.
You see, the lie was told and accepted and checked for validity, corrected, and maybe resolved. But then I start to think, what if my boss doesn’t trust me anymore? What if they fire me? What if this grows into a bigger situation than I thought it would be? Then, how me, a Christian surrounded by people who may not believe in what I believe in, be an example of my faith? Well, I just shot myself in the foot! (figure of speech not literal). I am wrestling with this feeling of guilt, shame, and all together disappointment in myself. What if this was the chance that I could have shown my business skills? Or even show my trainee a workaround to an uncomfortable situation? I got so many thoughts and questions, but the one that keeps coming back is. Didn’t I just punish my son for his repeated lying?
My son was lying about eating food that was not his and not taking baths, even though all the events in the house pointed back to him; he still decided that lying was his only way out. He even said, “ I just didn’t want to get in trouble, Mommy.” So is it that I just didn’t want to get in trouble to? To be honest I think under pressure I bended and folded like a car sales inflatable sign. You know the human like, various colors, huge inflatables that just move in the direction of whatever the wind takes them.
In James chapter one the writer James? (Bible people I am also open to correction!) A few verses in we see the author tells us that it is okay if we meet troubles, and it will help us grow. It will show us the things we are lacking and what we really need to seek God for to correct and guide us through. I know after I write this, I will feel much better, even if the situation changes for the worse. I know I will remember this day for a while. I have already asked God for forgiveness and asked that I not mess it up for someone who may be watching me. Or I didn’t mess it up with my job or boss. Lies and their ripple effects!
Imagine a screenshot from Collisionservices.com
James Chapter 1 verses 2-6 NLT; “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is tossed by the wind.”
And that’s what the bible says, not TJ